First fights are always
memorable, and they're also very revealing. They're as telling as
your first kiss or your first fuck. People is completely diverse at
fighting and curtains won't always match the tapestry. Some people
who's calm will come at you yelling with fists in the air, while some
who're really loud will merely give you a sullen look and a deadly
silence. Some people will fight to the last man while some
will be willing to negotiate from the very beginning (my heart goes out to the
latter, of course). Partners should always ask themselves first and
foremost what the point is, what they're meaning to defend and what
they're willing to forgo:
- I just can't believe you would do that!
- I'm sorry, I didn't know it bothered you so much, I'll never do it again.
- Oh... ok, and well, if you cold stop doing this other thingie...
- No way, are you nutts? Fuck you for asking me such a thing!
So what happens when poly
people fight? Well, poly people will fight just like normal people, i
guess, they will go to war or just have a few jabs at each other, or
take hostages and what not, the issue isn't so much the one-on-one.
This meaning that if you relate with your partner but don't relate to
his or her partners, you'll have yourself a pretty lame show (and
this is good, don't get me wrong).
When they're a network,
however, a triad or a quad... Oh that's a whole different game. When
you're in active relationship with any of the other partners, when
you either relate with them amiably, or you're even involved with
them in some way, that'll multiply the complexity of the affair exponentialy.
So, this is of course not
about network relationship's fights in general, it's merely about what
it's like to fight with B. Now, just like two weeks ago I couldn't
have been able to conceive myself in the middle of a poly
relationship (and a network one at that), just one week ago, I could
have never imagined myself actually fighting with B. Well, it was
dumb to assume it was impossible, I just didn't exactly know how it
could play out. Like with many other things about her, it's been a
bit surprising.
Let me say that this event
is brought to you Live by the Association of Love Flavoured Ice Tea.
Where there's love, there's Ice Tea. This show is sponsored by Talk
to your partner and Make-up sex Condoms: When it's time to stop
fighting, it's time to start the revolution. Back to the ongoing
fight between Léu and B.
The actual reason of
our fight, my dear readers, is none of your damn business. Or
spelled differently, I'll write about that later. Suffice it to say
that the fight is happening in the worst scenario imaginable, with B
on vacations with L. That's right, she's on a romantic trip and I had
the touch to put in a quarrel just in the middle of everything—hate
me for eternity, people, for I have no heart whatsoever. Furthermore,
they're in fucking Paris. I know that if I had a single fan left,
that was the door closing shut after him.
The second interesting
aspect to this fight is of course the consequences of all this: Poor
to no communication, impossibility of presence unless I took an
airplane right now (it's not lack of romanticism, I've thought about
it), trying to fix it over the Internet, shitty Skype, and of course,
my two beloved partners being able to think of a quadrillion better
things to do in Paris than fighting with me!
And here's where the poly
really kicks in. A poly fight when you're in a triad or more, is
kinda like fighting with your girlfriend when you live at a students
house. Before you know it, best-friends-forever will be knocking at your
door, and they mean business. They say they wanna help and they do,
but it's not only your best interests they keep at heart
but your parnter's and theirs as well, a torn house
affects them as much as it will affect you and your partner. You
will have to include them, for they are technically already neck-deep.
You negotiate. It's a mini
United Nations model, I give you back the territories taken during
the war of 73' but i gotta show my voters something, so what have you
got? I talk to L, he talks to B, B talks to M, M comes to me, “what's
it gonna be?” I consult with L who's walking with B along the
Champs-Élisées. And B, she's keeping me in the cold, dark waiting
room, I can't have a meeting with her, a chat, link, phone call or
otherwise, we haven't spoken even to actually quarrel verbally, like
mankind has ever since the day insults were invented.
Just for the record, I
don't like to fight. I think it's pointless, stressing and not even
that much fun (thought this depends on who you fight with). I would
like to leave it all behind as soon as possible, but B's taking her
time and I must give it to her, time and space kinda being what this
fight is all about, and I must preach with my example.
Weather I'm getting
floored or not, I really can't tell: Poly fights more than any other
should end up in civil discussions, mutual agreements and joyful
polymers. Whether I'll actually get to talk to B before the second
coming of the Christ—and whether that will solve anything at all—is
still to be seen.
I'm Léu and I miss her
like hell,
Feisty Polymeres to you
too!
