NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!

I' ve made a little board with my personal resolutions for 2011.

I'm usually not a Girlish girl that makes resolutions and i don't read the horoscope (except when i'm inlove with someone, i know, i0m weird), but since now i live with Moreno, i think we need to write down a few goals to keep in mind, so that we can be a bit more organised and more focused  on what we want.

I' ve written the board in japanese, because i want to enforce the concept i should think of everything in japanese, so it's easier to learn it well and practice.

I know Moreno is the typical rude boy that doesn't give a shit about resolutions or horoscopes, so i know he won't mind not being able to read the board.

Anyways, my new year's resolutions are:

1)STUDY  EVERY DAY

(don't laugh, please. I know it sounds ridiculous,and maybe it is, but i want at least try! The thing is not to really study a lot every single day, but to study more than i've done until now.

2)DO MORE MOVEMENT

I mean, more than zero, which is the amount of movement I'm doing now. Running when the weather permits it, otherwise yoga and exercising at home. [a proposito], I'm going to take a dance mat and other fun games of ps2 and eyetoy. Who said that exercise has to be boring?

3)MONEY: EARN AT LEAST 300€ PER MONTH

again, it's more than what I've done in 2010! Earning more with a saltuary, part-time job would be unrealistic...

4)BOOKS: READ MORE

and also, finish the translation of The Book. I want to go back to the days i used to read a lot, and people gave me books as presents when they didn't know what to buy me. Now they buy me.. purses. And cups. Yeah.

5)PERSONAL GOALS: VOLUNTEER

with the red cross, or animal protection, apply for the civil service, donate blood, etc.

6)MY PASSIONS: be artsy again

maybe i'll take a watercolour course with my friend, or maybe i'll just start painting home by myself, and i'll start also working for the blog. Anyways, i'm planning to be back to painting!

Another creative thing i',ll do will be knitting, hopefully with the help of moreno's mom!

7)GREEN THUMB: gardening, and eat our own veggies. Or at least this year i don't want to kill my plants anymore!

8)HOME: BUY SOME FUCKING FURNITURE AND A FUCKING BED

I mean, a REAL one, super-size bed. And make room for my books and create a place to study in peace! No kittens nor humans allowed.

9)PERSONAL GOALS: STOP WASTING TIME

that is toi say: reduce the online time, and the lazy time doing nothing or daydreaming.

Transform that time in gstudyh time,  gmeh time, gcreativeh time, doing healthy activities that make me happy. Be it alone, or with company.

 10)BOYCOTT: STOP BUYING USELESS TOXIC COSMETICS TESTED ON ANIMALSand buy more natural, sustainable stuff!

11)BE LESS SHY!

Have the courage of my feelings, express what i really think, especially with the people i like. It's the most difficult, that's why it's the last one. And also, be able to take care of my partners, and nurture our relationships with all the love and care i'm capable of, without restraining myself and never let my fears push me away from them.

Please notice that i haven't added "blog more regularly" or "more frequently"h among them, because right now i really don't have the time to blog regularly, i don't have enough partners nor enough experience in poly relationships to be a [punto di riferimento] to anyone and i sometimes just want to take my time from the internet and be alone. In fact, this year should be the ginternet detoxh year, so don't expect too much from me. I alredy consider the amount of time i'll spend working for blog illustrations as a bonus time i'm spending on the blog, and with Tom writing we can [dividerci il lavoro].

Consider that this is a blog i write for my own [piacere], since there's no form of advertising on it, and i don't gain any money from it. When you have a [passatempo], you can still like it and do it well only if it's not a job, with no regular schedules and not being forced to update your work every single day/week.

So to be able to continue liking this blog, i must not take it too seriously!

It's a thing i do for me and for the few that reads, not for a living.

Whenever something relevant happens in my life, i'll find the time and the right words to write about it, and that's it. That's the only guarantee you can have.

Hope it's enought for making this blog worth reading and I hope it's enough to make it useful for someone.

HOLIDAYS: THE AFTERMATH

I'm sorry I haven't been posting much lately, but I' ve been busy with holydays, exams, flirting, and trying new toys with my boyfriend. ;P

The exams didn't go as well as i wanted, but I won't give up on my studies just for that.

I can't stand the people that tell me i should get a job, or do the desperate housewife at home, cooking for my boyfriend, now that i live at his place.

Everyone feels like giving advice about my studies the exact day my countdown for the exams start, and most of them never even finished high school. That just sounds ridiculous!

Anyways, New Year's Eve Party went well, better than i could expect, at least sentimentally speaking.

There were some organization problems, but in the end we've been together, we got drunk, and we had fun! And cuddling and sleeping followed. Ah, I LOVE cuddling!

I mean, a 2011 start kissing in San Marco, Venice, under the fireworks? Couldn't be any better.

I'll write more about it in some other post some day, now I' m too lazy to do it, and there are still a few things I' m trying to figure out about what happened, and what i can talk about here (since there were other people involved and I never had time to contact them for permission and stuff).

And this bring us to the topic i care discussing about today:

I'm openly and freely talking about my life, but since I've chosen not to use a pseudonym, everyone that knows me and my friends in real life can figure out who they are, so to protect their privacy the best thing i can do is always ask them, post by post, how do they like to be called, if i can describe them, their actions etc.

The best thing is always to make them read my posts before i publish them, so they can give me their opinion and ask not to reveal that certain detail etc.

I have nothing to hide when it comes to myself, but i also care about others and i respect their privacy. Not that they do unthinkable things, but it's normal that people could decide not to share their life with stranger, and i accept that.

If a friend of mine gave birth to a child, she might not want me to post pictures of her baby in my blog only because i'm happy for her.

I've known about friends of my friends who got troubles at work because their boss was their friend on facebook, and they posted things they didn't like too much :D

People tend to forgot that, every time they post something on a forum, blog, site, social network, it remains there and can be found by anyone, even by your worst enemies.

So I always try to be careful of what i can talk about and what i cannot, because I don't want my actions to hurt anyone, directly or undirectly.

It' s difficult at times, i'm a lazy ass when it comes to update this blog and translate it, but I'm starting to become a real blogger, meaning that if something interesting or relevant happens in my life, my first thought is how to put it into my next post, and it's frustrating sometimes to have to wait the “right” moment to share such informations with strangers online.

I' m working on a blog page to sum up a sort of “list of characters” , with a pseudonym of every person that doesn't want to publicly appear on this site with their real name, and a brief description just to introduce them to the future readers.

Another thing I'd like to add to the blog, one day, is a illustration/comic strip contribution, using those same characters in the form of animal-like people.

That would take time for a study of each character and the artworks, but I hope I'll be able to put it together this year, or maybe next year. Depends on how much I will study!

Another good news is that Thomas finally decided to join us in this blog, and he'll write in the English section too (since he doesn't speak Italian, I'll take care of translations).

I should have introduced him better, thing I want to do in the “about us” section of this blog.

Thomas is my German boyfriend. I met him on okcupid, the same website where I met Moreno.

He came to visit us this summer, and we had 2 lovely months together.

We love each other dearly and we really miss each other, It' s difficult to be so far away.

But yeah, we knew that before we met: He lives in Germany and I live and study here in Italy, and we know a long-distance relationship has its limits.

Still, we communicate regularly on the internet, and we' re looking forward for the next time we'll meet in real life.

I take his opinion and his feeling in great consideration, even if sometimes it doesn't seem so because, living so far away and being so busy with our life and our problems, it's difficult to give to a distant partner the right amount of love, listening and attention.

I' ve been told from a blog reader that it's difficult to tell when it's him writing or when it's me, so I will re-edit the previous posts to make sure the author is the first thing that the post shows clearly.

I hope this increased amount of authors won't be confusing for anyone!

Moreno decided blogging is not really for him. After he created this blog for me, he just didn't feel the need to share his thoughts with other people anymore, so we agreed I'll work on the writing part, and he'll just help me reviewing and translating stuff.

I feel particularly lazy in this period, and still kinda depressed for my exams, so i'll probably post rarely and i'll write very short posts, just to let you know I'm alive!

And that's all, I guess. For now.

A new post with new year's resolutions will follow soon!

kisses

Outreach

Assume that you are in a poly relationship for a moment ... how would you introduce others to your situation? Like a very smart girl recently said, "Being poly is complicated".

Sadly at the time being, saying something like "Hi, i´m poly, how are you" is simply a bit too overwhelming, maybe too unorthodox, too extreme... simply not accepted by society at large. But things change in the winds of time, just like one can now mostly openly state if they have a preference for partners of the same sex, without it always being something that scare people off. Oh you' re gay? That' s fine. The acceptance of alternative lifestyles slowly grows and hopefully so does the understanding.

The first impression is still guided by cliches, by the things forced deep into your perception by society and media. Girls with tattoos on their lower back are easy, men with long black hair have to be metal fans/hippy/rockers/clicheofyourchoice, a woman that prefers black as her clothing is a goth, someone with a certain haircut is an emo and poly people sleep around.

How can one break all these opinions people grew up, things they rely on to form their perception of the world? How can you tell them they are wrong, how can you tell them little (nothing?) could be further from the truth?

I can only give you my opinion about the topic, but a lot of this is based on the context of your communication after all. I choose to approach it gently, start relating to each other... Not just you are being judged by your peers, but your peers are also being judged by everyone else. Share your opinions on the "forcing a label on others" topic, let them come to the conclusion that not every cliche or idea they may get at the first glance is true.

Maybe play with describing a poly relationship, without saying the word poly itself. Talk about your relationship where you share everything, your desires and wishes, where you let your partner know when you enjoy something in another person, how your trust is so deep you don´t need to hide your own wishes and longings. If they accept the idea at its core, without jumping at the reflex of "poly means fuck.-buddies", you at least have a start.

On that note, I was quite plagued with... when do you tell someone you' re poly? No matter if that someone is a friend, a love interest, a possible or current partner... they do have a right to know. Should one hide it, let them get to know you without the "negative" impact of knowing your poly? Or do you say it right away, scaring the other person away, maybe even more as if you would have said "I' ve got a boy/girl-friend?"... and yes, from my experience if you say "I am poly" people don´t go "Oh sweet, possibilities!", but instead think you are less trustworthy than a normal person... all while a poly relationship is based and working because of being trusting, open and honest.

Now I for once have chosen my stance on the subject, I will rather state it too early than too late. First of all, I am not ashamed of my choice, in fact i´m very proud and happy to have the strength and luck to be in a poly relationship. I also think the other person deserves to know, to be warned in a way, but also to LEARN what it means to be poly first. Just like an exciting poly relationship should be based on honesty, a new starting or adding relationship should imo, start with just as much honesty.

The right time is not the end nor the start, but do yourself a favor and have your "coming out" before anyone would be hurt by you saying it.

Additionally, you owe it to your partner. Not admitting you' re poly means that, in a way, you' re ashamed of admitting his/her importance to you.

Even if it fails and the people you tell it choose to be mono over everything else... let them be.

Don´t try to force being poly onto someone, I know those who are deeply mono enjoy ranting, spitting hate and trying to enforce their limitations onto you, but there is no need to act the same way. The freedom of choice is something I wish to grant everyone, by giving them all the information they could need to make that choice in their own, best interest.