Lately I've been trying to blog, but i found myself stuck.
I have zillions of drafts dated before Pleistocene that should be corrected and published, or at least i should translate the older posts. I'd really like you guys to know how I spent Carnival with Thomas, or how're my studies going, or tell you about my new “crushes”, but for a reason or the other, i always end up delaying.
So I ended up accumulating a huge backlog of posts, and I don't know if or when I'll be able to publish everything. It's the story of my life: I've never been able to deliver my drawings in time at the high school, except for when I stayed up untill late the night before.
I' m not even able to respect the bottom lines i set up for myself, and I'm always late at dates. It's a reality, unfortunately...
Not only blog posts, but even important decisions will be delayed untill september.
Now I just want to enjoy my holidays with Moreno, just like i enjoyed my brief trip to Bavaria last week. I'll blog about it too, sooner or later...
I want to spend time with the people I love, without planning things too much.
After september exam session, I'll be able to take a breath and relax a bit, but I'll also have to decide what to do with my poly-life: what to keep and what to “throw away” of these last months, how to behave with some people I like, and how to protect ourselves from our detractors (and we're starting to have a lot of them... so it means we're doing an excellent job!).
I'm actually dating 6 persons in total, be them lovers, friends with benefits, or life-long partners. And it's a very big number for me. I'm not sure i can dedicate the right amount of time/energy to everyone, and I don't want this people to be unhappy. But I also don't want my lovelife to take time and energies from other aspects of my life.
Love should add energies to our lives, not take them away!
There's also another person i'm starting to like, but for now everything is just so vague!
I don't know if I'm liked back and if I'm strong enough to accept a refusal, and even if i was, I don't know if I'll be able to give enough to this person, be it as friend, lover, partner or wathever. I don't even know what their expectation could be on “us”.
But we're getting to know each other for now, and it feels good.
I'm sure the future will tell us the answers we need.
Considering how am I “special” at socializing, it's already a miracle that I'm able to actually *talk* to someone I like, so everything else is coming will be more than welcome!
I want to reassure our readers: if you don't hear from us, it means that our life satisfies us and it's full of interesting things that distract us from blogging, so we're happy!
In these months we've been through wonderful moments and others more problematic ones, and now we can finally take a relieving sigh.
We've had to cope with some unpleasant people, people that, unsatisfied of their own lives, were trying to make us feel unfit, just as much as they are.
But obviously their attempts failed miserably, and we know now that what makes us strong, besides the fact that we're so united, os our will to never compromise about whart we are.
We always try to be ourselves, no matter if we'll be judged for that.
I've found myself feeling compassion instead of hate for that people that judge us and that clearly fear people's judgement.
They keep lying, they keep trying to look like what their listener mostly likes, but in the end nobody really knows them, nodoby trust them, no one can love them or get close to them.
To shield themeselves from society, they lose themselves. They're not individuals anymore. They can look good, even polite and nice to others or well-educated, but in the end they're just empty shells.
I keep having the feeling that certain people put themselves in a cage, and i can't do anything to help them open their eyes. All i can do is hear their silent scream coming from deep within.
So I've decided to stop thinking of them too much, and I want to take care of people that love me as I am instead.
That's all for now, enjoy your Polydays, I surely will!! :*
b
