14 February 2011
T here, fair warning, this is just me talking about life, no polyamory focus.
So it's Valentines day, commercial exploit spread over the world viva marketing... or is it a special day to show someone you like that you well, do so? A excuse to gift a rose?
I for one simply took it as a opportunity... I gifted some roses, you see... and a kiss. The first rose was given to a stranger, a woman I've never meet before or known. Poor girls name is "billig" which is German for "Cheap"... you can imagine the many poor puns she had to endure in her life... she was working as a cash lady in a super market where I bought her rose and two more.
I gave it to her, giving that lady a smile as bright as the sun "Did you see that? Look!" she spoke with a warmth in her voice, displaying the rose proudly. That alone makes the day worth being around in my opinion... giving a smile like that makes me feel so much better, too.
It was sort of like giving a rose for B... I just couldn't give it to her, but you know... maybe giving it to the universe at large will have it returned to B in another positive way.
The next two where given to two girlfriends... one is engaged, the other single, but way to young for me anyway (legally it'd be fine, but I would feel like a pedo bear). Even if it might be hard for some people to believe, I do enjoy giving without special motives... well it makes me happy, thats selfish enough afterall.
The kiss I won't go into detail about, privacy and all.
I bought one last rose for another person, so I gave 4 little flowers, let them bleed there life away for our amusement. Now I'm addressing some people online who I know have it hard on this day, I hated it when I was still single and easing it for those who where like me just feels right.
The Story of the old Lady
Among the bus I ride there is a bus stop. This bus stop is a bit off, hard to see, often covered in thick fog, a little run down... and often overlooked. More then once the bus drove past someone standing in there, namely a young girl.
This young girl seems to have a grandmother... a study build, most likely in her 70-80's Lady. Each single day she stands at this bus stop, wearing a bright green jacket and makes sure the bus stops to take everyone there with it... only once every child has entered and the bus left, she departs again.
For more then 6 years she has done this now, without fail, ensuring the young girl gets to where she needs to go to, in time. Sometimes if the fog is thick she brings a flashlight and sometimes if it rains there is a umbrella...
I can't say what the lesson is or "the point", but I felt like sharing it with you, the Story of the amazing, lovely, old Lady.
Holy crap, I'm like, famous. People want to hang out with me all the time and honest to god, it is exhausting...
Now to elaborate, maybe the personality type INTJ means something to you, maybe not. It generally matches me somewhat accurately, being a introverted thinker that is more focused on the big idea then the small details. I enjoy being... "alone" a lot, of course not all the time, but it has its own values... just to think, just be, just listen to the quite interesting voices in my head...
Now when I'm with people, I feel a bit pressured... to do this, to do that, you have to keep your eyes open, read all the subtle emotions, gestures, unspoken words... and goddammit people, especially you ladies, you are just not logical! I mean the one moment I can already figure out what the next sentence your going to say is going to be before you open your lips, the next your all emotional and illogical.
Now people want to talk to me, hang out, want me to go places... and yes, I like that, but I also like saying "No, I'd rather sit alone in my room and do nothing" without feeling like I'm hurting peoples feeling... then again, getting to the point where they understand shouldn't be as hard as it is...
You know, I really thought I was going somewhere with this ranting, but I'm not. To cut it short, give me my space people, truly It is just how I roll.
Happy Valentine's Day